There was a knot in his cord.
It was my third baby, a baby boy. So many others were also pregnant; my best friend, sister-in-law, cousins. All due in the 6 weeks before me. It was exciting to think of us all having little ones the same age, but anxiety overcame me. What if ours didn’t make it? What if something happened to my baby and I had to watch all these other babies grow up? I worried during the whole pregnancy that I would lose my little boy at the end. I prayed that the Lord wouldn’t make me walk through that storm. I just couldn’t bear it. Please Lord, not that.
One by one, our family and friends welcomed their precious babies. Then our day came. Everything seemed fine, and for the most part I wasn’t overly anxious at that point. I had delivered two babies easily and didn’t expect this to go any differently. I felt that we were in good hands in the hospital. We were.
Contractions came closer and the baby’s heartbeat began to drop. The nurses began monitoring him internally. His oxygen levels were low. I panicked. Were these my worst fears coming true? Then, myoxygen levels started dropping. An oxygen mask was placed on my face and I could hear the nurses talking to each other about the situation. The cause was unknown. I didn’t catch everything that was said, but I could tell it sounded heavy. My contractions were coming faster and I felt myself fading. Oh Lord, please don’t take my boy. I can’t go through that.
At that moment, the nurse climbed up onto the bed and turned my tear filled eyes towards her, “You and your baby will be fine. Stay with me! We are going to get through this.” The Lord seemed to be speaking directly through her as an indescribable peace washed over me. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I knew that our family would be ok. My husband was as scared as I was, but the Lord used him as such a source of strength for me that night. He stayed calm and encouraging through it all.
It didn’t take much to deliver my boy. They sat me up to push once and there was my baby.
Purple. Not Breathing. APGAR score 1.
My heart sank. I froze. He seemed to have pushed himself out and yet, he was lifeless.
As we waited what seemed like an eternity, they discovered a true tight knot in my cord. That is why his heart beat plummeted. Moments later, we heard a whimper. He was here. He was fine. We found out later that true knots are extremely rare (1 in 2000), and that many babies don’t survive them. I felt instantly that this sweet, little guy was a miracle who God would show His mighty works through. And He has.
Bailey’s fight didn’t end there. For the next year we dealt with health crisis after health crisis, and each one the Lord healed in a miraculous way. A patent urachus, the bladder is open to the belly button, healed at 3 months of age. That’s right, his belly button leaked urine. Talk about something to be anxious about.
Both kidneys had grade 3 reflux disease. He had a weakened immune system the first year and a half, numerous ER visits for RSV, inhalers, medications. Nine healthy days in 6 months. He was so sick that after walking across the room, he often had to lay down to rest. I can still remember my sweet little toddler, lying on the floor, both of us wishing he could run.
He was allergic to milk, a life threatening allergy. An Epi-pen accompanied us everywhere. We were warned 7 minutes was all we had. My anxiety levels could have been through the roof. I had worried about far less. These were real concerns.
The Lord gave us our boy that day. But, He allowed us to walk through a storm that caused us to lean on Him like never before. After the knot and the patent urachus, I just knew that whatever happened, God had it in His hands.
At one point, a friend said that she wanted faith like me, because she could never be at peace with all we were enduring. At peace like me? Usually an anxious mess. God began healing my anxious heart through Bailey. He healed Bailey completely, too. A healthy 5 year old now, free of all ailments.
Anxiety still plagues me at times, but the Lord has shown me that there is nothing He can’t bring me through. Sometimes He heals through hard times.
In my anxious moments, I remember His Hands.
1 Peter 5:7
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